If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. It's a packed show from my kitchen this week, and I'm joined by guests Clint Edwards, Lucy Beaumont and my co-host Lloyd Langford.
Hey, you said you've got a quiz for me. / I d__? / you arrived, you brought a, uh, a coke / because I said "Can I have / hangover / other soft drinks available / and, uh ... and you also brought / which has given the show a very very continental flavor today. / Yeah. / And then you said, "I've got ... / Paris / Hey, we could be in Paris. We could be in Paris ... if we __ __ radio station __ __ put a little bit of , uh, light French music underneath now / but we haven't got any in Radio Wales / no / production team / just shouted / no / very loudly. Um ... what / you / said / quiz for you, Rhod / that's an impression of you, in case you didn't realize. / 今のはお前のマネだ。わかってくれたかな。 / Here's my question. / What? Is it just one question in this quiz, is it? / Yeah. / Come on, mate. Put a bit of an effort. You said, uh, "I've got a quiz for you." / Well, it's ... / And now it's one question? / I thought we'd warm up for your multiple-question quiz with a one-question quiz. / My quiz ... mine is not a multiple-question quiz. It's just a quiz. A quiz always has multiple questions. If you switched on ... if you saw in the listing today, "Oh, look at this / Friday afternoon, I'm __ __ from work / oh, look / television / 2:30 in the afternoon. That's nice / innit? / before / countdown / later on / one question and the show was two minutes long / __ __ be disappointed / there will be more than one question. / All right. That's more like it. That's more like it. OK. Let's start Lloyd's quiz. / Right. / hope you're listening at home. Play along. Get a pen. / There's a woman from Rio de Janeiro ... / This is a limerick? / No. ... What word would rhyme with "de Janeiro?" / Aero? / Oh, good point. ... Other __ __ __ are available. / Bolero? ... other dances are available. / Right / Solero. Other lollies are available. / as well / you could have say that / Bolero ... oh, no / I'll tell you what. The show's going well today. ... I bet you can't wait for Chimp Quiz, ladies and gentlemen. Just, uh ... / get on / Chimp Quiz / we need some structure / this show. ... Anyway, / back to / woman / Rio de janeiro / Sandra Nabucco / sombrero / Sandra Nabucco, she's 52. She's walking down the street, walking her dog down the street, / yeah, / an animal fell / this seems a very specific quiz, this / it's a quiz ... a topical __ quiz. / A topical news quiz / an animal fell and landed on her head / from the sky / Was she or was she not wearing / sombrero / at this point? / She definitely wasn't. ... The head was unprotected. / Right. OK. / What animal do you think fell and landed on her head? / Huh ... hang on ... / She's in South America, / She's in South America / she's got / dog with her already / it can't be a dog / could be another dog / fell off a lamppost / It's unlikely, innit? / falls on top of her head / Well, I ... I don't know / 彼女が既に犬を連れていたとすれば、彼女の頭に落ちてきた動物が犬だというのは考えにくい。確率的に。 / they do bunch together, don't they? / they're pack animals. ... Hang on a minute. So, she's walking along with her dog, / Yeah, / in Rio de Janeiro, / Yeah, / eating a solero, wearing a sombrero / dancing the Bolero / No. / None of that's true? / No. She's walking ... / an animal falls on her head? / Yeah. Not a traditionally sky-based animal. / ... No, because, if it is a sky-based animal, you'd ... you'd assume that it is probably evolved __ __ __ not to fall out __ __ sky / sky-based / adept of being in the sky / not falling out of it / could be an eagle swooping down and ... / but you said "fell". / Yeah. / Nobody says, "When I was walking, an eagle fell on my head." because they don't fall out of the sky / __ wing / let's just / let's stick to / fact / no / not __ dog / No. / and it's not __ __ __ wing / No. / Hmm ... guinea pig? / No. / Rat? / No. / Pig? / Oh. / Is it ... Oh. / Close. / How could it be ... how can big be close? / It's got a name for pig in ... in the animal's name. / Got a name for pig in the animal's name? / __ __ pig meat. / Huh ... uh ... I don't know. Is there, uh ... / Think ... think of types of pig meat. / Uh ... is it, uh ... I can ... I'm thinking about __ __ my head ... pork? / Yeah, / bacon? / pork / Uh ... ham .. ham ... a hamster? / No, no / a hamster. That's got bacon meat innit. / you were right with "pork" / Oh. Uh ... uh ... a porcupine? / Yes. / No way. / Yeah. A porcupine fell on her head. / I'm loving this topical news quiz.
Uh ... let's continue with your topical news quiz, uh, Lloyd, 'cause, you know, it's ... it's a nice feature. I like it. ... Next question, please. __ __ __ __ / South American woman / porcupine landed on her head / refresh the listener__ memory, Lloyd. / She's walking a dog / yeah / and / in Rio de Janeiro / And this / in the newspapers today / Yeah. / It's all topical, ladies and gentlemen / porcupine / lamppost / I didn't know that / tell me / lamppost / drip-feeding the information / (keep unhooked) / OK / that is a good point. I assumed / fall out / I just assumed / I assumed / came out of a cloud something / 雲間から落ちてきたのかと思った / I did. / How could it come out of __ cloud / Oh, it happens all the time. It happens all the time. You know those spraying planes, planes that spray, / Ah, yeah. / spray planes / yeah / they go over, like, a lake, and __ suck up load of moisture / could / not sub-aquatic / could be ... a pocupine could be feeding / subaquatic porcupine? / it's not subaquatic / be feeding / in Africa, ... and / porcupine could be one of the animals / just having a sip at the side of the lake / just dipping / little snout / plane would suck it up, and / plane would ... uh ... drop the porcupine later on in Rio de Janeiro. It happens all the time. / this one / from a lamppost / the only flaw with your plan is, why is this plane watering the city o Rio de Janeiro? ... Don't they usually water crops and stuff? / All right. Well, your ... the actual story is not much more logical. Well, Lloyd, what was he doing / lamppost? Hiding from the police? / ... How many needles did the ... / I presume, by that, you mean the word "needles", huh? / 今、needles って言ったんだよな？ / Yeah, I know. But you / in such a strong Welsh accent / it's probably unintelligible to the most of the world. / Mate, we are on Radio Wales __ __ __ most of the world / none of our listners are Welsh. We haven't got any. Most are ... half of it are monks / How many needles ... / that's "needles" again, ladies and gentlemen / or spines ... / let's / cope with it / too many syllables / there are not eight syllables in the word "needles" / how many spines did doctors have to remove from the woman's head? / I know this. Uh ... topical news quiz, ladies and gentlemen, a porcupine __ __ __ off a lamppost / woman's head / not a laughing matter, but a good subject for a topical news quiz / Lloyd Lanford's just launched. ... How many needles did the doctors have to remove from the woman's head? ... Let me just ask you this question, ... / Yes / Did they remove all of them? ... Or did they leave some in? / They left one __ as a warning, ... to be more vigilant. ... Nuh, they removed all of the needles. / All the needles. How many / fell off a lamppost / woman's head / she wasn't wearing any sombreros ... protective head gear. / ... Well, how many needles does a porcupine have? / Good question. / Eh, uh, / you need / this through / maybe the p__ / needles / in there / unless __ landed / rolled around / it was clearly confused. / It would be confused. I think, __ ... why would / lamppost in the first place / 'Someone told me there was a pair of porcupines living in the area, but I had never seen them.' / two / (nest) / lamppost / yeah / unlikely, the story, innit? Um ... sounds like / very bad excuse / work, this / このせいで遅刻しましたって言っても信じてもらえないだろうな。 / how many needles / I'm gonna guess. I'm gonna guess. ... The doctors removed, buzzz, / 47 needles / Uh, no ... / What? / Not even close, mate. / 200? ... 1000? ... 5000 needles from her head / No. Don't be daft. / 3? / 272 needls. / No way. / Yes ... way.
"On your riveting subject of fishy meals / last week / we were talking about, uh, what time of the day is OK to eat tuna. Strong show, last week. / would the rules change / work nights / waking up in the evening / quite happily consume / tuna sandwich / this would be / my equivalent of breakfast time / thanks for / email, Dave. Um ... yeah, / different. Wouldn't it? / not acceptable to eat / tuna / always / breakfast / made a feature of it / eat / whenever / don't open the feature up again / but it is frowned upon / public transport, isn't it ? ... sometimes, / maybe / started / surely __ __ somebody / maybe? No? ... OK. / 電車の中で食べていると揺れた時に中身が落ちたりして気まずかったりするよね？ ... するよね？ ... ない？ あっそう。 / it's quite a smelly food and it riles up / people's nostrils / ... It certainly does rile up / other people's nostrils / frowning at it / definitely. ... Uh ... I don't know, mate. If you ... hey, feel free to launch a feature / that's what the show is all about / tuna sandwich / on public transport / people's nostrils / this / what food is unacceptable to eat on public transport? / Boom! Radio Wales, ladies and gentlemen. What food is unacceptable / public transport? I'm gonna ... I'm gonna / quickly / my first answer / all-you-can-eat buffet. Chinese buffet. / rolls / with chrispy duck and pancake rolls / 春巻 / with / unacceptable.
Ladies and gentlemen / Chimp Quiz / 11:30 / apologize / decided to launch / impromptu topical news quiz / earlier in the show / coming back / in Lunch Club / get / porcupine story / There must be other stories / right / get on with / Chimp Quiz / Chris Corcoran / last week, uh, with an impressive knowledge and sympathetic understanding of chimps, I thought. ... So, Lloyd Langford, are you ready for Chimp Quiz? / Yes. / __'s the jingle / Chimp Quiz ! ... Right. ... OK. Your first question, / Yes, / I'll accept ... / ... any answer? / No. I accept the right answer / I'm just ... just establishing the rule. / Is it multiple choice? / Uh ... no. / OK. / Not this one. / Right. / I / you / if you want. / give / want / I'm here to serve you, Lloyd / OK. ... A chimp's diet ... / Yes, / ... consistes of A: 60 different plant foods, B: 80 different plant foods / I apologize for the ... uh ... dog / in the background / ladies and gentlemen / hear / puppy / our puppy, whining in the background. she loves Chimp Quiz. I'm sorry / 60 different plant foods / 80 different plant foods / or C: 8000 different plant foods. ... Is it A: 60 / B: 80 / or C: ... whatever I said. / 8000. / I'll discount that 'cause you / remember it / All right. C: 4000 / as well / all right. C: 3000 / I think ... / A: 60 different plant foods / chimp / B: 80 different / or C: 96 different / I / different / C:96 / constantly chainging. / ... What have you gone for? / 80. / ... 80 different plant foods is right / 1 point / 100% success rate so far / So far, but / 今のところ正答率は 100% だね。 / admit that / I will / an infant chimp ... / Yeah, / ... can sit up at the age of ...? ... Do you want multiple choice or not? / exercise regime / able to sit up / you know / early on ... very early on / lying / would they? / arm / that's very human / on to their moms / Oh, yeah, yeah. / you know a lot about chimps. ... An infant chimp can sit up at what age? ... I'm not giving you multiple choice this time / honest with you / I'm a little too hung-over to do __ impromptu mutiple choice / I think an infant chimp can sit up / very young age / have / more specific / 0 to 6 months / 0? / Yeah. / you think / sit up at the age of 0? / as soon as it's born, yeah. / I mean, in, uh ... between / you / Well, when you live in the wild / need to be able to cope with things / jaguars, poachers, ... / what do you think ... / ... poison frogs / what do you think / sit / situation / move on if need be. / think / comes out of its mother / in a sort of ninja p__, do you? / ready / looking around / just / sitting up / So, you think / sit up / between 0 and / be more specific / three months after / five months / five month / I'm afraid / at the mercy of poachers and jaguars. ... OK. ... Chimps ... chimps are among the noisiest of all wild animals. Would you agree / the / agree / is / question / I would agree / get that out of the way / pretty noisy / foxes / couple / fighting foxes / couple / fighting / yeah / fighting / foxes / chimps are among the noisiest of all wild animals / (Yes.) / how / fighting foxes / they use a complicated system of sounds ... / yes / ... to communicate / whatever that word was / complicated system of sounds to communicate with one another. ... A loud what sound warns of something unusual or disturbing? For instance, / j__ / what noise / over / there / like that? / give it another go / I'll give you multiple choice. ... Is it a loud / know / you said no. / それは今ボクがやったやつじゃないか。君が不正解だと言ったばかりじゃないか。 / Oh yeah. ... Is it a loud "Kabanga !" / go / C / C / this one / OK / all right / Is it / like / all / is / very / like / off or on the buses / yeah / or / is it a loud Urahhh! / that's good / Thank you. / I / for that one / D ? / Yeah / you / D / right answer / three out ... two out of three / six / music break now / wish / really sorry
Chimp Quiz ! ... OK. / ready / yeah / so far / score / from last week / The life span / chimp ... / Yeah, / but what is / Swahili name / mate, were you asking Korkey / this difficult? / Yeah. / the Swahili name / chimp / コーキーに出した問題はこんなに難しくなかったでしょ？ 「チンパンジー」をスワヒリ語で何というか、だなんて。 / to hurry you / I don't even know any Swahili / そもそもスワヒリ語の単語なんて一個も知らないよ。 / Think. / 考えろ。 / Think? / 無茶言うな。 / Everyone knows some Swahili / you know / little / there / yeah / that doesn't mean / chimp / what I'm saying is / more Swahili than you think / 人は自分でも意外なほどスワヒリ語を知っているものだよ。 / definition of it? / No. / I was gonna say / hairy troublemaker / I don't know / it might well mean / hairy troublemaker / guess / yeah / that's offensive / what that means / Well, I don't / guess a word / yeah / it's "sokwe mtu" / Huh. Close. / Sokwe mtu. No points / means / troublemaker ? / それは直訳すれば「毛むくじゃらの厄介なヤツら」という意味にならないかな？ / そうかも知れん。 / should have / information / not / that / listeners / later / chimps / Lloyd / still / Chimp Quiz / probably didn't / chimps / have / otherwise / sentence / live in groups / yeah / talking about / Jacksons or something / or / Spice Girls / The Nolan Sisters / Nolan Sisters / they live in groups. ... / called / what? / Troops? / Oh, Lloyd is on fire / yeah / troop / absolutely right / 3 points / 3 out of what? 5? / OK. ... Chimps / find / question / question / yeah / hope / agree with this / agile climber / spend a lot of time / up / like porcupines / like porcupines / but / live / up trees / nests / oh / my / four / too / 5 out of 8 / I realize that / Maybe / draw / find / good / problem / finite amount of information / no / lot / got / find the right ... uh ... huh, here we go. / chimp / chimpanzees / chimps / yeah / ... produce four basic call types / correctly / identified / something / like / something like that / but what other four basic call types / have / a / chimp / warning / they don't shout "Warning !" / actually / everyone / have / for example / humans / "shout" / "whisper" / OK / I can tell you / shoutig / not / like / produce / call types / unversity challenge or something / chimps conferring / you / I've seen them in groups / like / not / chatting / chatting / No. / call / type / "chat" isn't a call / greeting / that's not a call, either / shout / would / sort / just / levels / volumes / now you are on the right / lines / not / list / they / shriek / four basic / difficult / I think / gets / easy ones / can I / think / rules / no / no / uh / not / the days of / internet / trusted / isn't there / no / I'll give you a clue / is not there / just / Do you give up? / Yeah, I give up / grunts / barks / screams / and / four / out / keep / four / you need this to equal / five / eight / 4 out of 8 / would you agree / sometimes / what / they do / yeah / they groom / I'm looking for. It's true / they hug / not / I'm looking for / tickle under the chin / I'm afraid, is not the answer / surprisingly / they kiss, Lloyd. / Huh. / that / end / ladies / a round of applause / Lloyd Langford / second / only / front / only Chris Corcoran's played before. / コーキーに次いで二位。まあ、まだお前とコーキーしかやってないが。
talking / tuna / think / fish / times / went / tuna / 12:20 / half an hour earlier / Oliver / breakfast / Chris / uh, in Swansea / in general or breakfast-wise / especially / caught fresh / yourself / down / some toast / why / you / regret / cause / me / used / doing well / good for you / too / tomato / tell you what / full answer / on / reckon / especially / caught / wow / here / perfect August lunch / home-grown / beans / marketing borad or something? / not only that / boiled / Sunday / after / yes, it is / says / question / local / last weekend / we were discussing / owner / ten pounds / Welsh / can you please help / tenner / thanks / quite / sort / send / send / birth / proving that ... uh ... / Radio Wales / pretty / Welsh / is / have / presumably / grandparent / grandad / Welsh / or Scottish / What? ... depending on / そう。ウェールズ ... またはスコットランド / 「または」って何だよ。 / depending / radio / show
rhod / transport / kicked off / chocolate / just / never ever dream / have / parameter / smelly or noisy / involves / chocolate / public / all / when / everywhere / as well / if you / eat / trumpet / nobody / if you / holds / level / do they? / standard / hold it / vertically / nibble / like / like a saxophone / nor / mouth / cigar / hold / sitting next to you / front / crums / public / your feature / length / next to a French / eating / wooden / says / dorian fruit / that's banned / singapore / why / smells / rotten / in / Singapore / fruit / banned / making / up / this / sounds / supposed / really / ripe / cheese / mountain / from / east / hull / uh ... / I / sat / family / all eating tinned sardines / and / scampi fries / don't / how / hull / sardines / families / yeah / order / so, this / feature / tinned sardines / scampi /
hi / totally / public transport / agree / bizarrely / in Cardiff / name / said / do you know / yeah / tough / is that / true / yeah / hi / look like / sort of / jelly / totally acceptable / anyone / should / be ejected / said / good point / no a__ / detection / means / ask / to leave / hi Rhod / lucy / re: / worry / email / well / sure / thanks / powerful / crisp / too / hope / not / really / public / more / cinema / are / noisy / mixed / message / sell / don't / anything / shouldn't / chat / do / those / cinema / new / really / cinema / ticket / texing / wandering / went / as / wonderful / christmas / probably / feel-good / possibly / imagine / makes / warmest / closest / nearly / fight / middle / wonderful / seen / about / being / james / black / christmas / fight / bloke / turn / shouted / people / apparently / very / nice / couple / her / knocking / legs / her / nudged / feel / ever / made / say / chair / correct / stop / lean / stop / christmas / sinister / right / lucy / woman / whispering / know / would / second / first / excuse / watch / would / he's / people / can't / other / problem / lower / back / pass / good / what / bad / this / forget / before / done / mind / stop / this / first / this / first / one / more / time / what / response / whole / went / watching / end / everyone / wonderful / life / end / apologized / everything / made / up
tube / this / like / gangster / violent / yeah / interview / how / machine / teeth / like / know / far / down / like / spitting / very / like / they / paper / old / little / chihuahua / gangsters / nice / moment / nice / situation / carry / difuse / know / just / saying / take / yourself / nobody / doesn't / podcast /
there / trousers / know / young / know / fan / young / rage / young / point / too / supposed / know / show / bottom / urban / young / little / is / if / pull / anckles / fully / far / uncool / mega / is / where / from / really / below / knee / above / cool / knees / no / return
hello / kind / like / get / chewing / rock'n / skin / guest / for / weekend / celebration / little / many / empathise / bought / we / set / new / erected / guest / sleep / telling / chewing / already / new / spilled / unbelievable / sorry / soiling / 40 / taxi / off / friend / off / lloyd / erotic / lean / get / and / hammer / off / would / lover / chew / off / feature / non-story / people / judge / this / week / all / moment / color / considers / post / people / more / quickly / just / think / cleaned / oftern / times / ok / secured / almost / hit / truck / counsel / more / of / stolen / from / paper / same / jumper / that / strong / last / turns / clouds / own